American mourning was heavily influenced by British culture, which at the time closely followed Queen Victoria’s heavily draped mourning for Prince Albert.
Men were not required to mourn for a long period of time. Often, a black armband or a black crepe hat was all that the man was to wear if he lost his wife, and that was only for three days to six weeks. Widowers with small children mourned very little, for society expected him to remarry quickly. He needed someone to raise his children.
Widows, on the other hand, were not socially allowed to remarry for at least a full year. And to be on the safe side, lest society think that she was immoral, a widow might have spent an extra year or two in lesser degrees of mourning, wearing a more white trimming, black jewelry, or the addition of other mourning colors such as grey, lavender, and purple. Younger women could get away with mourning for the shortest allowable period. Older women often stayed in mourning for the rest of their lives, reflecting the mourning of Queen Victoria again.
Full mourning for a woman means wearing a dress of very dull black material such as paramatta, bombazine, barege or grenadine. Deep gathers of black crape covered at least the lower third of the skirt. Folds of black crape in other areas of the dress such as on sleeve edges, belts, etc. are the only other ‘approved’ trimmings.
Only bonnets were to be worn in mourning, and should also be limited to folds of black crape, with the brim filled in with white trimmings. Widows often wore a ‘widow's cap’ of black lace &/or crape with white crape or tarleton (a loosely woven, crisp material) trimming and lappets hanging down each side. Wearing short veils was a very popular ‘fashion statement’ of the time and for traveling, but crape mourning veils served a totally different function. Some women who could afford it sometimes added black borders and ribbons to the bottom of their mourning petticoats in case a peek of it would show.
As the war dragged on, the blockades had an effect on the availability of mourning materials, along with most other fabrics, for many Southern women. More often than not, Southern women were forced to take off their mourning early, if they could wear them at all, because of the lack of material or dye. Sometimes they supplanted the hard to find black with the other mourning colors.
One source warned women of the dangers of wearing crape veils for extended periods of time due to breathing the chemicals associated with making the crape. Women were advised that if wearing the veil over their face for an extended period of time they should periodically lift it and breath pure fresh air before dropping the veil back over their face.
Mourning clothing was sometimes kept on hand by wealthier women and women were known to exchange their colored clothing with neighbors and friends for black when circumstances dictated.
Jewelry was not used at all for the first few months of mourning, but then for the remainder of this period of mourning consisted of black jewelry with the material of choice being jet. Diamonds were sometimes set into the jet as mementos of the deceased. Later in the war jet became difficult to obtain in the U.S., especially in the blockaded South and suitable replacements were found in black glass and India rubber.
Hair jewelry was often used as mourning jewelry with it being distinguished from other hair jewelry by the use of symbols such as weeping willows, urns, weeping women, tombs, lilies, lambs, butterflies, roses, etc. Photo jewelry was also used in mourning, often depicting loved ones or the deceased. Other mourning jewelry included rings, broaches, bracelets, lockets, and earrings. Mourning rings were traditionally given out to mourners as keepsakes of the departed.
Love ribbon was a type of ribbon used exclusively for mourning and was usually white or black. It was very plain with no pattern other than stripes. Silk ribbon was to be avoided.
During mourning, a widow’s personal life and activities were strictly limited. For specified periods she did not leave the home for business, visiting, parties, or weddings, and did not receive visitors. She couldn’t even enter her yard without a heavy veil covering her face. After a respectable time the widow could send out black edged cards advising friends and family that her time of heavy mourning had passed and she was ready to receive visitors.
Widows often had to remarry as soon as decency allowed in order to be able to support their children. During mourning widows often had to attempt to make a living for themselves for the first time in their lives.
Widows often had their beds covered in black and black sheets put upon the bed. This came about out of a superstition that the widow should not marry until after the decay of the body of the deceased husband. During the War Between the States mourning was so widespread that many women never came out of mourning until after the war had ended. Southern journalists of the period record deaths of soldiers, civilians, and children regularly, and often mention steps taken to obtain mourning clothing as best they could with the scant supply of goods coming through the blockades.
Social standing affected mourning. Some women only had one good dress that they then dyed black to mourn in. Still others had no good dress to dye, and had to mourn in more secretive or ingenious ways.
Mirrors were covered in the home of the deceased so that the next person to look in the mirror would not be the next to die.
Pregnant women were not allowed to attend funerals, for fear that the baby might die.
The corpse was taken from the house feet first in the belief that if the head of the deceased faced backward he might influence another member of the family to follow him in.
Clocks were stopped in the house of the deceased to prevent bad luck for the living.
The eyes of the deceased were closed so that he may not choose someone to accompany him to the grave.
Photography was extremely popular at this time, and mourning photos were taken to preserve the image of the deceased. Burial was held off in many instances days or weeks waiting for the photographer to arrive. A mourning photograph was often the only image taken of the deceased in poorer families.
Photographs of children are especially difficult to determine whether or not they are post-mortem images. Often the use of painted butterflies symbolize passing into the next life, or roses to symbolize a "bloom cut early" mark an image unmistakably as that of a post-mortem image.
When a family could not afford to pay for the funeral of a family member the local parish would assume the financial burden bringing much shame and dishonor to the surviving family members of the deceased.
The custom of the "riderless horse" for the funeral of a soldier dates to at least the 1600's, and was often put into practice during the War Between the States.
Cemeteries have changed in character numerous times over the years and burial sites have ranged from underneath the floor of churches to family cemeteries and vaults. Puritans often picnicked in cemeteries, as did the Victorians, a custom which in some instances has been revised.
Many people feared possibly being buried alive, and periodically tombs were opened and remains were found near doorways or on the floor indicating that such fears were grounded. Funerals were often prolonged to make sure the deceased was in fact dead before burial took place. Widows were often excused from attending the funeral of their dearly departed husband in the belief that the grief would be too much for her to bear. Many communities had designated persons whose responsibility it was to deliver these invitations.
