The politeness of the day was very strict, and it was said to be used to make those around them feel accepted and satisfied. But, more likely than not, many people used the overly strict guidelines as a means to make fun of those who did not know all of the rules. A married lady can offer her hand when introduced; a young lady cannot. In a ballroom, where an introduction is to dancing, not friendship, you never shake hands -- only bow.

Basic Guidelines for Both Ladies and Gentlemen

• DO: Be punctual for all dinner engagements. Food may not be served before all guests are seated.
• DO: The host leads the guests into dine with the senior lady (in age or social standing) on his left arm. All other gentlemen follow with a compatible lady on their left arms. The hostess takes the left arm of the senior male guest and enters last.
• DO: Basic rules of polite dinner manners apply then as now regarding use of table ware, personal habits, use of table ware, etc.
• DON’T: Married couples are never seated together.
• DON’T: Use your knife to carry food to your mouth or put your knife into your mouth.
• DON’T: Rinse your mouth out and spit into the finger bowls or water glass.
• DON’T: Gorge yourself excessively during any one course.
• DON’T: Ask for seconds as all other diners must wait until you are finished before being served the next course.

Basic Guidelines for Gentlemen

• DO: Wear gloves on the street, in church & other formal occasions, except when eating or drinking
• DO: White or cream colored gloves for evening
• DO: Gray or other darker colors for day wear
• DO: Stand up when a lady enters a room (or your presence in a large room)
• DO: Stand up when a lady stands
• DO: Remain standing until all ladies are seated.
• DO: Offer a lady your seat if no others are available
• DO: Assist a lady with her chair when she sits down or stands, especially when at a table or when the chairs are small and light
• DO: Retrieve dropped items for a lady
• DO: Open doors for a lady
• DO: Help a lady with her coat, cloak, shawl, etc.
• DO: Offer to bring a lady refreshments if they are available
• DO: Offer your arm to escort a lady (with whom you are acquainted) into or out of a building or a room at all social events, and whenever walking on uneven ground
• DO: Remove your hat when entering a building Lift your hat to a lady when she greets you in public (Merely touching the brim or a slight "tip" of the hat was very rude)
• DO: Request a dance with the utmost politeness and respect.
• DO: Lead the lady on and off the dance floor
• DO: Bow and curtsey before starting to dance
• DO: Always thank the lady for the honor of dancing with her
• DO: When at a dance you are expected to dance, and dance frequently, leaving no "wall-flowers" who are willing, and waiting, to dance
• DO: Seat the lady they are escorting to their left.
• DO: Remove your gloves just before seating themselves, placing them in the tail coat pockets.
• DO: Tend to the needs of the lady on their left, as well as make agreeable conversation with ladies to either side and across the table (size of table permitting).
• DO: You may tuck his napkin into his collar to prevent soiling his shirt or tie
• DON’T: Eat or drink while wearing gloves
• DON’T: Use tobacco in any form when ladies are present
• DON’T: Curse or discuss "impolite" subjects when ladies are present
• DON’T: Leave a lady you know unattended, except with permission
• DON’T: Greet a lady in public unless she acknowledges you first
• DON’T: Refer to another person by their first name in public
• DON’T: Dance with the same partner more than once or, at most, twice in an evening, especially with your spouse

Basic Guidelines for Ladies

• DO: Follow the lead of the host and hostess. Opinions varied regarding ladies’ withdrawal to the drawing room after the meal while the men indulge in port, cigars and masculine conversation.
• DO: Graciously accept gentlemanly offers of assistance
• DO: Wear gloves on the street, at church & other formal occasions, except when eating or drinking
• DO: Curtsey before starting to dance
• DO: Ladies, a smile and a nod are sufficient responses to a gentleman's "Thank you"
• DO: Place their napkin in their laps.
• DO: Remove gloves when seated.
• DON’T: Serve yourself from a buffet line. You inform your dinner partner of your wishes and he brings your plate to you.
• DON’T: Refer to another adult by his or her first name in public
• DON’T: Grab your hoops or lift your skirts higher than is absolutely necessary to go up stairs
• DON’T: Lift your skirts up onto a chair or stool, etc.
• DON’T: Sit with your legs crossed (except at the ankles if necessary for comfort or habit)
• DON’T: Lift your skirts up onto the seat of your chair when sitting down (Wait for, or if necessary, ask for assistance when sitting down at a table or on a small light chair)
• DON’T: Speak in a loud, coarse voice
• DON’T: Refuse one gentleman and accept another for the same dance, unless it was previously promised
• DON’T: Dance with the same partner more than once or, at most, twice in an evening, especially with your spouse.